Victoria Naumova

"My Week With Marilyn" review or "Why did they even bother getting great actors?"

2011-12-04T14:27:00.001-08:00

It's 1956 and Hollywood goddess Marilyn Monroe arrives to London to work with famous Laurence Olivier in his film "Prince and The Showgirl". Young and passionate about films Colin Clark uses his connections and dedication to get a 3rd assistant director role on the set of Olivier's film. He observes working relationships on set and starts his own close relationships, including one with Marilyn Monroe.

Michelle Williams plays Monroe and while she does it with charm and delicacy, let's just say truth: she is not Marilyn and one can only pity an actress who has to portrait on screen someone as charismatic as her. Same goes to Laurence Olivier played by Kenneth Branagh. If you want to imagine how these two would go on, it's enough to watch the real "Prince and The Showgirl" and picture Monroe and Olivier playing a Director versus Star. I am not going to criticise Williams' performance as she had to keep up with some astonishingly cheesy lines.

Cheesy lines, that's what downgrades Eddie Redmayne's otherwise brilliant performance. He is usually great with being extremely innocent and sweet, that's what makes him the best for this role and casting couldn't make a better choice for Colin Clarke's character. But saying out loud what belongs to romantic novellas and girls' diaries does not make one look very convincing.

While story is beautiful and sweet, it lacks conflict and scriptwriters failed to dramatise it. Instead they injected a full amount of super-sweet lines in places where silence, a look and a pause on actors' eyes would do a better job. Why cast great actors anyway if you make them narrate all of their feelings? Actors are there to get those feelings out on screen so the audience trust what they SEE not HEAR.

This is what cinema is about.

It's about reaction, when one character is on the front and talks to someone who is standing behind, sometimes reaction is more important than words. But director Simon Curtis decided to go on a narrow lens to make every shot stylish and "cinematic", i.e. using shallow depth of field. It is very frustrating when one can't see a face of an actor/actress just because they are out of focus for stylistic reasons. Why do you need these great actors at all if you keep on not showing their faces?

The middle part of the film was quite flat and repetitive. Shot as a beautiful postcard of Britain it lacks the bittersweet feelings of young Colin Clark. Great sunny weather only suggests that everything is brilliant, while Colin knew at the bottom of his heart it's just a silver lining in the enormous black cloud that covered Marilyn's life.

It is a great film to watch for aspiring filmmakers to see what could be done better at scriptwriting stage, editing and directing. This story could have been saved and had all the potential for being one of the best films this year, Mr Weinstein.

Grading Digital

2011-11-21T10:12:00.001-08:00

Hello everyone,

As some of you know I am a filmmaker and currently studying at Metfilm School in Ealing Studios.

Anyway, until now I was only editing and never had a chance to grade or colour correct, now I am in editing class having to grade one third part of a feature film. We are mostly using Colorista II in Final Cut Pro, as it's most suitable for the quality of digital footage we have.

Just wanted to show you a quick example from a first day - I was trying to create an effect of Sepia for one of the flashbacks to 1942.

Here is an original footage:

And here is the changes I applied in Colorista II playing with colours:

To be honest this pictures reduce quality significantly, but you can see the idea behind it.

Have a nice week!

A bit of analysis on Czech hidden gem "Daisies"

2011-10-19T14:56:00.000-07:00

Film “Daisies” by Vera Chytilova was made in Czechoslovakia in the times of oppression and strong political control of communist party over all the form of art. Vera Chytilova and other brilliant Czech filmmakers (like Milos Forman and Ivan Passer) contributed to the creation of movement that was later called as “Czech New Wave”.

The objective of making film for them was “to make the Czech people collectively aware that they are participants in a system of oppression and incompetence which had brutalized them.” Most films of Czech New Wave including “Daisies” were made just few years before the events of Prague Spring, period of political liberalization at the end of 1960-s in Czechoslovakia.

When analyzing this film it is important to look at the historical, social and cultural context of the times and place where this film was made. “Daisies” is enjoyable to watch and anyone who ever had to deal with any form of repression can relate to this film. “Daisies” is a filmic fest of freedom and joy of rebellion. Somewhat surrealistic it is explained not only by the cultural context but also the social and political setting in which this film was created. Surrealism of this film is an antidote to brutal realism of Soviet and communist societies.

“Daisies” is a great example of anti-narrative structure, made in the years of political, social and cultural oppression it breaks the rules of narrative and style. It is not simply an example of anti-narrative art, it is in every form an attempt of deconstruction of narration. This film despite its illogical structure and form makes an enjoyable and intelligent viewing experience, because the absence of plot is compensated by creation of story (“fabula”) by each individual viewer.

Some parts of “Daisies” include dialogue, but those that do not are in a way similar to silent movies.Soundtrack is mostly illogical and non-diegetic. Some of the scenes are especially similar to the early silent comedies from the use of filmic style: the scene in the night club where girls outperform dancers and show outrageous and silly behavior. First of all there is no dialogue in this scene, only music accompanying it. The place where girls sit looks like a static. Exaggerated movements and gags are great example of early comedies, when cinema was not regarded as a form of art but a form of entertainment.

This is again a revolutionary act from the authors of the film, as in communist societies, film could not be the form of entertainment and pleasure, but the form of education and propaganda.

The absence of constructed dialogue plays an important role in destroying the narration. Rudolf Arnheim argues that “The addition of spoken dialogue has made storytelling easier, dialogue narrows the world of film.”

The context of this film is linked to its filmic style: it is illogical and inconsistent. Any filmic style created is destroyed within some moments. For example, the change of colours with the rhythmic repetition is linked to the change of sound and when audience gets used to it and regards it as the filmic form, just in few moments it is broken only to be replaced by another one. Therefore I believe that the context of this film and the destruction of narration is closely linked to the destruction of filmic style.

Abundancy in food is mirrored in abundancy in filmic construction (although in this case I mean deconstruction): bold cuts, very bright colours, great variety of various cuts, psychedelic visuals , especially the ones with moving train and of course the great number of montage pictures of various things from roses to butterflies.

Film “Daisies” is full of images and actions that can be regarded as archetypes. Carl Gustav Jung described archetypes as “inborn tendencies which shape the human behavior”. These visions and symbols are universal. Jung continues “we often meet these themes in the fantasies, dreams, delirious ideas and illusions". As film in question is following deconstruction of narration and plot , the experience of watching it is very similar to fantasy or a surreal dream. This dream is full of archetypes: a tree of life, virginity, apples (and food in general) as a source of knowledge and life. And of course archetypical fears like castration (cutting phallic-shape food with scissors proceeding to cutting own bodies) and drowning as a form of punishment. (http://www.carl-jung.net/archetypes.html, 2010).

By including archetypes Chytilova made the experience of watching this film more surreal and dream-like and as any dreams are very deconstructed and illogical. Usually in the morning we do not remember the plot of the dream however we strongly remember the feeling of it.

However one should make a difference between archetypes and stereotypes. While archetypes are included in the convention of the film, stereotypes are destroyed. It is interesting to compare “Daisies” to another very feminine film that deals with stereotypes, “Gentlemen prefer blondes”. The American film does not deconstruct stereotypes but acknowledges their role in society. For example Lorelei says: “Don't you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn't marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?” (Gentlemen prefer blondes, 1953).

In contrast to that Chytilova destroys every stereotype and “heroines rebelliously try to subvert the patriarchal system and gender stereotypes”. The revolutionary act of sabotaging gender stereotypes goes in harmony with the filmic style of deconstruction. (Kinoeye, 2002).

A great example of illogical narration within the film is a philosophical question (although in the film it is a trivial problem): “Why do they say “I love you”? Why don’t they say, for example “egg”?” Main characters question the meaning of the words that are used everyday with no real meaning and value to it. If they are used with no meaning, why not replace it with something else. The whole film exploits this idea and replaces values and meanings with very brief creation of new meanings and style only for them to be deconstructed in next to no time.

There are different approaches to the principles of film narration. The distinction between the story and the form was theorized by the Russian Formalists. They studied two most important principles: story (also called fabula) and plot (syuzhet). The plot is “a system because it arranges components – the story events and states of affairs – according to specific principles”. And there are three sorts of principles that relate plot to the story: Narrative Logic, Time and Space. Chytilova does not follow these principles in “Daisies”, the flow of story is illogical, time does not matter and space is a free structure.

Story or fabula on the other hand is not a system, it is action, series of events. Tynianov argues that “story can only be guessed, it is not a given”. (David Bordwell, 2005).

At the very beginning of the film Marie I says “Nobody understands anything”, this is a great summary to the plot of the film: it warns audience that there is nothing to understand and every attempts to find meaning and matter will be laughed at and destroyed within no time. (Daisies, 1966).

Narration structure was viewed as one of the most important elements in creating film and plot. But experimental filmmakers had a fresh approach to filmmaking by using anti-narrative. Anti-narrative on its own has got a structure and follows its own rules created by authors within the film. But “Daisies” is a great example of early experimental films which destroy any attempt to find logical plot. Any new form of narration and style to be regarded as new shall be first deconstructed and broken.

At the end of the film when girls are drowning, film questions: “Is there any way to mend what’s been destroyed”. The answer is no, as girls are killed with a huge chandelier and the film is ended with no chance to mend its deconstruction. (Daisies, 1966).
This was followed not only in art but also in society: revolutions were needed to create a new society. It is a pity that it took Czech Republic and its filmmakers such a long time before revolution and the chance to create openly.

Bibliography.

Bordwell, D. Principles of Fim Narration. In: Wartenberg, T.E., Curran, A. eds. The Philosophy of Film, 2005, Oxford: Blakwell Publishing Ltd.

Concept of Archetypes at Carl Jung, 2010. Carl Jung Resources, [online]. Available at: http://www.carl-jung.net/archetypes.html

Daisies (Sedmikrásky), Vera Chytilová, 1966, Czechoslovakia.

Gentlemen prefer blondes, Howard Hawks, 1953, USA.

Hames, P., The Czechoslovak New Wave, 1985, Los Angeles: Berkeley.

Radkiewicz, M., 2002. Angry Young Girls. Kinoeye, 2(8).

Chess is a pure drama

2011-09-13T13:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes as filmmakers we are looking for new fields of drama for ideas for films. Court and medicine are the best examples of pure drama where life and death and other values like justice are at stake. That explains the popularity of courtroom series and hospital tv series.

But sometimes drama lies in the things that we usually regard as boring. Chess is a great example of a dramatic sport where personalities and different temperaments crash and collide.

A new film "Bobby Fischer Against the World" distributed by DogWoof, proves that chess is a great source of drama with great and weird genius at war, like Bobby Fischer himself. This is the first documentary to explore the bizarre life of one of the greatest chess players, Bobby Fischer.

You can watch the preview or the whole film here

Michael Schumacher. Brilliant 20 years.

2011-09-07T03:24:00.000-07:00

The other day I was talking to the priest in Orthodox church as part of my "Leto Be" documentary about the fans of 30secondstomars, Echelon. So I was asking him about the lines in Bible that say that one shall not make yourself an idol in the form of of anything. The truth is that I always had idols in life, they helped me to be who I am.

One of them, the first of them is Michael Schumacher.

He is an unwritten book. He is a warrior in shining arms of nowadays. His poster that I had since I was 15, helped me to believe in myself and to fight till the end. Whether you are at the exam and feel like you lost it all, or in your relationship. He was always fighting till the end even when it was illogical to continue. The most logical driver used his intuition when it mattered the most.

And sometimes he was totally wrong. I admire him for his mistakes more then for his championships. Not that I approve of them and I am glad he acknowledged and apologised and learnt a big deal from them. He didn't give up.

It is very easy to take your mistake of one moment, one wrong choice you did and guide your whole life as a misery and blame yourself and have this eternal excuse of being a wrong-doer. It takes far more courage and inner strength to stand up as if you are a new person with a blank history and go on. It is much easier to be unhappy then happy and brilliant.

Michael Schumacher is not brilliant because he's born brilliant. He is brilliant because he chose to be brilliant. And that choice is a choice of a true hero. Whether it means tragic hero one day, like in Adelaide, or a perfect hero like in Japan (choose your favourite year).

My admiration of him wasn't always consistent. I cried my eyes out when he broke his leg. And his decision of come-back made me cry too, in a good way. But then for numerous races I was questioning his decision and choice to be back. Until I realised again, that he is being himself, not an idol, a real person who makes illogical choices because he believes in them. And he might be wrong sometimes. But yet again, he will never have regrets, that he didn't try.

He is racing for 20 years because he cannot not to race and there is no ego anymore involved in this process. He is doing it because he can and he wants to. I admire this even more then some of his greatest victories. He reached the state of not caring when he cares. It's hard to explain but I guess that's what they call wisdom and I hope that one day I will reach it too. And when I do, I will look back at my most embarrassing moments in life and acknowledge them and be thankful to Michael Schumacher for teaching me not to give up and get pass your own selfish guilt.

Last race (Spa 2011) was amazing and British media and fans all worshipped Button who came third from 13th. But the man who was 5th came from the last place on grid, he overtook 19 cars. He didn't win. Neither did Button. But we know that those two really are true warriors.

I have no vocabulary to express my feelings to Michael!!!

To prove he is not an idol but a human being here is a press-conference of him at Monza when he cried.

Picture taking from F1Racing Facebook page, September issue of F1Racing magazine.

My Short Observational documentary "Two More Sausages"

2011-09-02T02:28:00.000-07:00

As some of you know I am co-producing a feature documentary happening in Bosnia "My Side Of School". Director Chris Bates is leaving today for the first trip of shooting today so wish him luck. With your help and support of our friends and relatives we raised $4000 for the first art of the documentary. Check out the fund-raising trailer here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ki1zYr3k1Dw&feature=player_embedded

But as a director of documentaries I am very novice, so here is my first very short observational documentary on one day of a local coffeeshop "Two More Sausages". The criteria for this doc was to shoot without words, so no interviewing and not interfering the process and life. This is as part of my documentary module at MetFilm School.

As my tutor, Caroline Deeds, director of some BBC and Channel 4 docs, always says, patience is very important for any documentary-maker. And it was certainly true in case of shooting "Two More Sausages". A 3 hours wait was worth it as a very interesting client appeared in the cofeeshop...

Please let me know what you think and how it can be made better, your advice is very important for me.

Licensed Web Series

2011-08-26T12:54:00.000-07:00

During two months of this summer I was working on the webseries called "Licensed" as a producer. These are webseries about Raymond Hewitt, a TV Licensing detective enforcement officer. His sole mission in life is to find all those who have failed to pay for their TV Licences and punish them. He will do so in style.

The production of series was a great pleasure and surely a lot of hard work. It was a great experience and I shall take some time one day to share with you my idea of making webseries on low budget.

Here is a 4th episode of Licensed, where Raymond Hewitt visits a student house...

If you like the series, subscribe to us on youtube http://www.youtube.com/user/LicensedProductions

My Side Of School - Crowdfunding campaign

2011-08-09T11:59:00.000-07:00

I have been quiet on this blog for a while, please forgive me for such a long silence. I was going to create a new blog but then decided that this one has too many things I value.

I am co-producing a feature documentary called "My Side Of School".

My Side of School' will be an observational documentary about the division between young and old in the small town of Stolac in Bosnia & Herzegovina. There is already division in Stolac - the population of Bosniaks (Muslim) and Croats (Catholic) has endured nationalist rule since the end of the war in the 90s, and local politics aims to keep the two groups apart.

Most young people do not mix with those from the other group, drinking coffee in their own cafes.
However Edvin, Nives and friends are unconventional in that they are a group from both backgrounds.

These characters find it hard to spend time together, especially during the week, as the school they all attend keeps the two ethnicities apart: Croats attend in the morning, and Bosniaks in the afternoon.
Separate sets of staff teach them their own languages and their own versions of history.

This division is clear in the open, but away from the public eye, it's a different story.

There is a hotel in the centre of town which has been decaying since it was burnt out during the war.
Nives and her friend Zora joke that it's now alive again - its dark rooms are the perfect place for clandestine, cross-ethnic teenage adventures.
If their parents knew they were romantically involved with Muslim boys, there would be hell to pay.

This feature-length observational documentary will follow these and other characters over 12 months, to provide a picture of young love, ambition versus apathy, and the conflict between religion, politics and identity in a country that is struggling to prepare itself for the future.

We are funding the next trip to Bosnia via crowdfunding on the website called Indiegogo. For as little as $5 you can be involved in making this documentary and be part of this project.

Dream Journal - death of a cowboy

2011-07-10T06:05:00.000-07:00

July 9 - crime scene
This dream was again without my presence and not about me. I was a constructor of a dream, I was a director looking through the camera display, a writer putting the words in the mouth of a man.
This man, a cow-boy looking old man with grey hair but yrt black moustache, was shot in two places. His first thought was how is it fair, but it soon passed away necause a sharp wave of pain hit his brain and soul. He thought for a moment that he can trick death yet again. He covered the wound with his hand and on camera he was alive. But he was dying in a movie, and for him - both an actor and character it was a point of no return.
He died in my dream, he died in a movie, but that image of an old hand covering wound is still there.

Film Releases in 2011

2011-01-05T05:15:00.000-08:00

My friends from FirstShowing.Net created a wonderful list of film releases in 2011 (US dates).

This list should be as usual divided into the Pre-Oscar season untill March and Post-Oscar season.

January is full of funny blockbusters and comedies with the highlight of beloved "Green Hornet".

Not so many big names are released in February as companies will be busy with the awards season.

March comes back to screens with several interesting-looking thrillers: The Adjustment Bureau, Limitless and The Lincoln Lawyer.

April looks interesting as it highlites the release of comedy "Your Highness", a detective action film "Hanna" and circus drama "Water for Elephants".

May is definately a big month for blockbusters: Hangover part 2, Thor, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Kung Fu Panda: The Kaboom of Doom. Another film that is coming out in May is the film I am most looking forward to "The Tree of Life" starring Sean Penn and Brad Pitt.

Summer brings us a great number of summer actions flicks like Green Lantern, X-Men, Cars 2, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Captain America: The First Avenger, Cowboys & Aliens and the final part of Harry Potter.

Democracy in Russia is less than a word

2011-01-04T11:36:00.000-08:00

Can you imaine spending New Year's Eve and Christmas in prison? for 15 days? in the 3 meters square room with no window, no bed or charis, just walls. Can you imgaine that you are a world-wide well-known politician who can't spend holidays at home because you were arrested at the political demonstration which was legally authorised by police and local authorities?

If you can't imagine those things happening you clearly are not from Russia, for in modern Russia human rights and government do not go along.

Source: www.echo.msk.ru

On the 31st of December 2010, the former deputy prime minister and opposition leader Boris Nemtsov was arrested after political demonstration for "failing to follow police instructions". He was arrested after the demonstration that is held every 31st and 30st of the month to support the 31st article of Russian Constitution which states that every citizen has gor a freedom of speech. This human right is one of the basic rights in democratic countries, however it is contantly violated in Russia and the latest events proved it. The opposition has obtained a permission to hold this demonstration, so police arrested Nemtsov and other demonstraters after the event was over on their way home for not obeying police instructions. Those who were at the event say that there were indeed some anti-Putin and anti-government discussions at the demonstration.

Source: www.echo.msk.ru

This event was not covered on any of the TV channels in news. Most of the country who does not have access to internet does not know what is going on with the government opposition.

The court decided to give 15 days of imprisonment to Boris Nemtsov. For what? for merely questioning the work of Russian government. Considering that upcoming government elections will probably have the same level of equality we have no prospects in near future for the change of course.

Here is a link to this news on BBC news.

To the people of the Twenty First Century

2010-07-17T04:00:00.000-07:00

We are given with tools, knowledge and freedom to build the new house of humanity. But standing here with spade in our hands, how can we be sure that we are building a basement - not a graveyard. And yes, we are children of our parents, whose blood and soul were tortured by the inhuman kinds of the 20th century. For more then 100 years they learnt to be brave and oh not so vulnerable. What can we rely on if church is no longer united, there are no souls left in the parents' house or the library - where shall we take the inspiration to restore nature and house?

Earth... First we need to get strength, we need to get rid of thirsty feeling and get back to job, and we are the diggers, graving the past and mourning about it, even though we didn't do it. We are here because someone else didn't do it either - in the 20th century of inhuman kinds there was place for humans, we are here because of them. How many are not. We are diggers, our ignorance and inner conflict take us down, standing on our knees, doubts like worms eating us from inside. Our elder brothers and sisters lost themselves in the agonizing freedom and oblivion of drugs, sex and videogames. We can't count on them, can't look up to them. Their dreams are dead and Requiem is conducted.

Digging is not an honorable job, not at all. Each of us asks question: why on earth do I have to do it? I didn't do anything wrong, it's all because of those generations before me, leave me alone, people, all I want to do is sit back and enjoy life, if stupid Paris Hilton does that, why can't I do it?"
I know life is unfair. But I guess each generation as each person has got its mission, its pre-destination. Isn't our mission now to save earth and to show next generations how it's done? Wouldn't it be a great example for our children how to treat nature? Maybe they'll call us "the people who saved us"; maybe they'll make movies about us? Maybe the house on the basement that we first destroy and then build again - maybe it'll be a brilliant example of architecture, a piece of art, a masterpiece. Can they count on us? Those future generations, those unborn kids. Will they praise our Requiem for a Dream? Or will they just acknowledge "Glamour life and no dreams"?

Sitting here at 2 am in the morning and burning energy on this PC, I am asking whether I am any better, whether I am brave enough to start digging the basement, no glamour dress, but gloves to clean oil from birds. Is this a dress code for the 21st century? Or is it just another costume party?
I am not saying that we have to sacrifice ourselves. But let's start thinking! Reflect!

We are the awareness. We are the start of today. We are the fresh green grass outside of OUR house. We are the faces on google map. We are switched off lights. We are saved tuna dolphins. We are windmills. We are the beauty of unspoiled sea. We are the sustainable farms. We are the wind. We are the people of the 21st century.

Let our children be proud. I am not saying - sacrifice yourself. I'm saying - SWTICH ON YOUR MIND.

Next time you are switching on lights in several rooms - switch on your mind.
Next time you are taking plastic bag in the supermarket - switch on your mind.
Next time you print stupid emails - switch on your mind.
Next time you use your car - switch on your mind - maybe there's a bus or a bike.
Next time you are washing dishes and leave water on for ages - switch on your mind.
Next time you throw something away - switch on your mind and sort out garbage.
Next time you see people in need - switch on your heart.
Next time you see dirt on the sky - wipe it off and switch on some smiles.
Next time you hear about some "oil spill" - switch on your conscious and don't illusionate yourself thinking that this doesn't concern you.
Next time you go to a picnic - switch on your esthetic sense and don't leave garbage.
Next time you see a master peace in the nature - don't ruin it, save it to the future people who will call you proudly "he was a man of the 21st century".

Here's a trailer to my friend Brian Hill's documentary "A Climate of Change"

Climate of Change (Tribeca Festival Premiere)

Westerns Week

2010-07-04T13:15:00.000-07:00

I am glad to announce that I will start my filmmaking course at Metfilm School this September. It's located in Ealing Studios famous for films like Dorian Gray, Easy Virtue and Little Ashes (and many more).

Certainly main goal is to learn the craft of filmmaking, but the craft isn't enough - you also need inspiration. And Metfilm stands for it so they sent me a list of films and books recommended to studying. Half of those films I have already seen but I decided to take this to a different level and review all these films. To make it easier for you and myself I am gong to divide films by genres.

So this week (5--11 July) I am watching Westerns.

Here are ten wonderful Westerns in my list:
*I made some changes to my list due to advices frim my twitter friends*

1. Stagecoach, 1939.
2. High Noon, 1952.
3. The Magnificent Seven, 1960.
4. 7 Samurai, 1954 - It's back!
5. The Misfits, 1961.
6. ~~A fistful of Dollars, 1964.~~ Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, 1969
7. The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, 1966.
8. The Wild Bunch, 1969 - if I find it
9. Once Upon a Time in the West, 1968
10. High Plains Drifter, 1973.
11. Unforgiven, 1992.
12. The Proposition, 2005.

The choice of films is made according to the IMDB index, different sorts of best western lists and certainly, based on the availability of films. But please do make suggestions and corrections to this list, I am more then welcome to add some more films and welcome your opinion.

So see you on my blog every day - for a fresh review of western classics. And please keep in mind that I am a girl who was born in USSR, so this is quite a different genre to me.

Why Twilight Saga is dangerous

2010-07-04T11:00:00.000-07:00

It's been almost a week since Eclipse, the third part of teenage vampire Twilight saga is out in cinemas and we heard lots of interesting reviews about this film. While Eclipse by many is named as the best film out of all Twilight saga films (it's more dynamic, full of interesting characters and stories) I want to concentrate on the aspect of its popularity and which has both sides of love and hate.

The main reason why Twilight is so popular is purely psychological: cinema is the main media where mirroring is used. The viewer transfers his ideas and views on the main character on the screen and the more similarities there are between the viewer and the character on screen - the easier is it to false-believe this film is actually about you. Here we see Bella, an ordinary, not particularly beautiful or stylish, not smart or talented and not interested in any hobbies. Admit it, she's boring. This character is so undefined that it is hard to believe in its existence if you can't identify yourself with her, for example for men or for talented and/or beautiful / confident girls. Take any girl in the world and out of three - 2.5 would be able to identify with Bella, mostly because of lack of confidence and a huge desire to be loved by someone as special and wonderful as Edward. Girls and women (as they identify themselves with their younger selves and through this media relive their youth) all over the world dream of having two wonderful men from mystic world being in love with them. Which is fine so far, girls don't have to be supermodels or scientists to have a right for love.

But, the most dangerous thing in Twilight saga is that Bella doesn't anyhow fight for her love. She just gets Edward, just like that - from the first sight without any transformation, chase, fight or humiliation. And yes, after she looses him she has to go for him and save his life (in second part of saga "New Moon"), but remember that before that she gets another man, Jacob, again, just like that - from the first sight, without any changes, difficulties or love.

This is one of the aspects why Twilight doesn't work as a drama - dramatic conflict in a romantic relationship is lost. Normally in the film there is a certain pattern: main character wants something -- but he/she can't get it for some reason -- then (s)he fights to get what (s)he wants -- (s)he can't get it -- (s)he meets people along the way who transform him/her and with their help/love/hate -- (s)he almost gets what (s)he wants but -- then everyone knows this is the last chance - (s)he doesn't get it. And then when character, his friends and villain and everyone in audience thinks that this is the end and there could be no more hope - something wonderful happens and the main character gets another chance. Whether (s)he finally gets it or not defines end as a Happy End or Tragic.

We can't see dramatic potential in romantic relationship in Twilight - because... main character doesn't know what she wants. There is some sort of understanding that she likes Edward (more then anything in the world) and that she wants him, but then - why she gets him so easily in the beginning? From this point of view - New Moon had a more dramatic potential but it was so poorly executed and so much attention was given to Jacob, whose love she gets without any efforts - that it messes up with dramatic relationships.

This problem makes Twilight saga not only quite poorly executed film franchise, but also quite dangerous for girls, who are already identified with Bella and are patiently waiting for two gorgeous men to love them. This film would have been completely different if protagonist was Edward or Jacob. In this case Bella's reaction would be completely justified: she is a lady who has a right to choose between two knights. She should have been however still posses some sort of special power: beauty, gift or social status... All the fairy tales and movies (which copy the plot of storytelling) teach us these lessons. These patterns help us to love those who we want to love and fight if we can't get them.

However Twilight, although it incorporates mystic elements, is not a story of great dramatic potential. It dangerously shows us that we can be loved by two interesting and powerful people even though we do not deserve that. We could deserve that if we find in ourselves some talents or power but this requires some confidence to explore ourselves and the world around, to fight and sacrifice and make choices, to become more confident in our relationships whether we lose or win. Our generation and generation of young girls has got difficult issues with confidence, we hide behind labels and brands and try to find heroes to look up to, but what we get is Paris Hilton and Bella: love and fame with no effort. These girls' confidence is hit very hard when they understand that it's not how it works in the real world - and they try to look out for answers in their favorite films and books - but Twilight is no use unless you are in love with a real vampire.

the only way to live life

2010-04-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

You leave cinema at 6 am on Saturday morning. Inspired by a wonderful film "Knocking on Heaven's door" you realise that everything you made up before that - all the logical shields that you used are bullshit.

All the strength you input into not thinking about him is vanished after watching this film. Because strength and action should always go into fullfilling all that good that there is in your heart. And if you like someone - isn't that good?

But you remember that this is against all logic and just wrong. And probably you just made everything up and this is nothing but a spring fantasy. You know nothing about him and this might be all an illusion and the best way is just to forget and not act on it. You used to like his friend. Your friend used to like him. He's much older. He's Martian. He's an unknown variable in your equation of life. there is just no future with and to be honest no present.

But then you go underground to Lubyanka station where just 2 weeks ago a major explosion killed 40 people. And you think - what if you died - right here, right now. And if he knew - that would be nice for him to know, even if he is a selfish bastard, that you died with your heart warmed by by this spring love fantasy and his talent.

And when you go outside of undeground - to spring sun - you realise that the only way of living life is actually living it.

A Bedtime story for Martians

2010-04-04T14:45:00.001-07:00

Let me tell you a story about a little brave heart that was not afraid to love and never regretted it. I have heard this story from a falling star: it told this story to everything before it fell down to Earth.

On another planet - similar to ours - there was a beautiful tree: it was made of silver and golden and planitum strings and it was alive. It had purple round leaves and golden branches. And its name was - A Tree. It turned its branches and leaves to the sun and when sun was hiding in clouds A Tree played its leaves with a wind like on a harp.

There were a lot of birds who lived on A Tree because they liked its warm branches. These birds were not just using A Tree as a house - they also liked to sing. They sang in different ways: there were birds who liked making noises as violins, others - as pianos, other birds - as drums and some as guitars. These birds were famous in the whole forest because of their wonderful music. When there was wind, A Tree helped them and a beautiful music of harp was added to birds' sounds.

And there was only one bird that could sing with a human voice. It's name was Little Bird. Its voice was magnificent - powerful and strong, soft and gentle. It sang always about happiness, sun, work and wonderful forest and its creatures. These forest soon became the best forest on the planet because it was the most effective and most productive. These birds on A Tree could rock the whole forest with a beautiful and inspiring song.

But one day a Little Kitten came to the forest and it decided to see A Tree and its famous birds band. When a Little Bird saw the Kitten, it immediatly fell in love. And although a Little Bird was never in love before, it felt that it was real. The Little Bird sang a beautiful song to this Kitten in an attempt to impress it. And Kitten was impressed or maybe it just pretended to. A Little Bird was so happy and it started signing beautiful romantic songs to kitten anf dancing watlzes with it. For several days the whole forest looked like a wedding ball - for everyone was celebrating. But on the 3rd day a tragedy happened. Not always kittens are as they seem.

Little Kitten suddenly jumped and killed two birds and almost got a Little Bird. A Tree covered A Little Bird in its brances and never let it go. A Little Kitten understood that it can't get any more food and left the forest. Its "meow" was never heard in this forest again.

But A Tree stayed and A Little Bird stayed. And its heart was broken: its songs were sad and tragic. For several days it sang very sad songs. Sometimes it sang beautiful romantic songs about the first day of love and these days sun was happy and everyone was celebrating because A Little Bird was in a good mood. But sometimes a Little Bird was singing very sad heart-breaking songs when all the birds were crying and wind was not blowing and A Tree was still, and sun was hiding in clouds and even Sky of the planet was crying with big tears.

After one of the songs like this A Tree said: "I hate that Little Kitten, it ruined everything, I wish to Search and Destroy it".

But A Little Bird said: "And I don't regret anything. Those days were one of the best days in my life. and Without it I would never be able to feel love and what it is like to lose everythng. And although now instead of one whole Big Heart I have a Million Little Pieces - I am very happy that it happened. Because now I can love and sing not just with one heart - but with a million little pieces of my broken heart. Sometimes it's better to have love and lose it - rather then not knowing it at all - what it is like - to love."

And this Little Bird was far happier then any other birds - because it did not regret the past and remembered the best of it. And it had beautiful dreams of A Tree and its purple leaves. I wish you to close your eyes and have these dreams of a beautiful planet.

Good night, little Martians.

10 tips of Networking for "new-born" film-makers in London

2010-02-22T17:02:00.000-08:00

I guess no one is simply born as a film-maker, just one day we are bitten by film-contagious beasts and become "new-born" film-makers, suckers for films and inspiration.
But film-making is a team-sport so we need other people to make our dreams come true. One of the essential skills for new film-makers is networking as in any other business - we make our own luck.

So here are some of my tips on how to network in London:

1. Memento

Remember the power of little notes that Leonard Shelby used in Chris Nolan's film. Use his tips even if you have not "this condition" - use the power of business cards. Take and collect them from anyone who gives them to you: you might not know when you need a help of make-up artist or a professional florist. Make your own business cards especially for your film-making "you". If you are a student you can use some cheap resources - like free business cards templates or www.vistaprint.co.uk

2. Extras

Take part in other film project's - you never know how many people you can meet on set - your potential actors, writers, cameramen, technicians, make-up artists. Make friends with them, talk in coffee-breaks, exchange business cards. You can start as an extra in various student or short films shootings. Use resources like http://www.starnow.co.uk/ to find these opportunities. Remember you'll never meet as many people interested in films as you meet on set.

3. Twitter

Join twitter and follow actors, film production companies, PR companies, film journalists and film enthusiasts. There is always a huge amount of news, ideas and information on twitter. That is how personally I met wonderful people from heyuguys and started writing reviews for them. You can also learn a bunch of great stuff from great directors like Jason Reitman and Duncan Jones who use twitter a lot. For the start you can follow my film list on twitter here film list

4. Small talk

Talk to different people about your film project or just about your interest in films. Use small talk not just to discuss weather but mention your passion for films. If a person is somehow interested or related to film-industry they will probably will to tell you about it. The other day I had a small talk with a shop-assistant at Westfield and just mentioned a recent film that I watched. She told me that she knows that stuff as her friends run a small film production company. I know some people who were writing script for TV series and they met a film producer when they were walking their dog in the morning.

5. BFI

Become a member of British Film Institute (for 40 pounds a year) or just simply subscribe to their email newsletter and go to special previews and screenings with Q&A (they are at the affordable price range of 6-15 pounds). Not only you can watch a film before its release in cinemas and listen to directors/actors, - you can also meet a lot of interesting people there. Stay after the screening and hang out in the bar.

6. BAFTA

We all not BAFTA for its awards that have just taken place in London, but BAFTA operates all year round. SO subscribe the to BAFTA newsletter and look out for events master-classes that are open to public - always try to purchase ticket immediately (it's around 10-15 pounds) as they sold out quickly. But this will allow you to enter the BAFTA home in Picadilly street, hang out in the bar and enjoy the event. Sometimes BAFTA holds special master-classes for film students for free. Last year I went to the screen-writing masterclass by the writers of LOST.

7. Raindance

If you don't know about Raindance yet, well you should, as they have a variety of interesting and useful courses for you. Subscribe to their newsletter and look out for "Boozin'n'Schmoozin' networking event or just go to one of their courses and stay after the course to hang out with other crazy filmmakers.

8. Meet-ups

Go and hang out with movie geeks - most of them are just nice people to hang out with anyway, besides they are passionate for films. Check http://geeksoflondon.com/ and subscribe to their newsletter for upcoming geek events. My fellow guys from www.heyuguysblog.co.uk organize meet-ups for film-lovers as well so stay tuned.

9. Ask questions

Don't be afraid to ask questions. I learnt it myself, being a shy person I would prefer just to sit there and let the others talk. But if it's a movie geek event, or Viggo Mortensen's Q&A - there is your opportunity to stand out from the crowd by asking a smart or a silly question. Q&A is really a great chance to address a famous filmmaker or actor and ask them whatever you wanted. Go first - most of the times people are afraid to ask the first question so everyone will give you credit for being brave and hopefully remember your face.

10. Stay in touch

It's as easy as it is - to send email Christmas cards to your film networking or birthday greetings. You will be amazed how some people get excited and surprised that you actully remembered it's Christmas and sent them some good wishes. And think about yourself - whom would you rather help - an old classmate who never even sent you a message on facebook in 10 years or someone who always sent your little birthday wishes?

Let me know what you think of this... :)

BAFTA awards

2010-02-20T15:20:00.000-08:00

Just less then 24 hours to go before the famous British Film awards.
BAFTA events are usually classy and with no political references but lots of humour and love for films.

Last year we saw lots of similarities between BAFTA and Oscar choices so for those who look forward t Oscars that's an important day too. Although BAFTAs are good on tis own as well.

I like BAFTAs because they are not afraid to reward those who are weird, like famous last year come-back from Mickey Rourke. He get no award at Oscars but at least he made BAFTA an unforgettable experience.

It follows British tradition of theatre and takes place in a beautiful Opera venue. Plus it does value great acting from British talents and has got a special prise for a bes British Film (this year it's An Education, Fish Tank, Nowhere Boy, In the Loop and Moon) and an outstanding British debut (I hope this year it goes to Duncan Jones - director of Moon).

And BAFTA likes film lovers, like me - students or people who have got inspiration for films and desire to share and discuss it with others - tomorrow I am going to tweet live from such an event, so you can follow my twiiter at www.twitter.com/victoriarusso

Otherwise stay tuned to live updates from @baftaonline and my colleagues from @heyuguysblog and on its website www.heyuguys.co.uk

Meanwhile let me choose my awards from BAFTA nominees - full list you can find here http://www.bafta.org/awards/film/film-awards-nominations,949,BA.html#jump2

But before I say anything about my choices - one bitter and sad word - THE ROAD. It's aint nominated for anything despite being one of the best films of this season. Based on a fantastic book by Cormac McCarthy it shows the journey of life and relationship between father and son and the rest of the world. Just in 2 hours it evokes the emotions and feelings of fear, love, hope, desperation and happiness. It has everything you need for a movie to be names as a great example of Art - a masterpiece: mesmerising cinematography, great story, simple and exciting composition, universal problem, tears and laughs, life and death, youth and Viggo Mortensen. Viggo is such a great actor that he doesn't need Bafta or Oscars. He is the magic on screen. Maybe that is why it's always hard for academics to consider him as a best actor - you can easily forget that he IS an actor - for he doesn't act - he exists.

My choices for BAFTA - let's see tomorrow if I was right -

Best Film - AVATAR

Outstanding British Film - MOON

Outstanding Debut by British writer, director or producer - Duncan Jones - Moon

Best Director - Kathryn Bigelow - THE HURT LOCKER

Original screenplay - THE HURT LOCKER - Mark Boal

Adapted Screenplay - Up in the Air - Jason Reitman, Sheldon Turner

Film Not in the English Languange - A PROPHET

Animated film - UP

Leading Actor - COLIN FIRTH

Leading Actress - MERYL STREEP

Supporting Actor - CHRISTOPH WALTZ

Music - CRAZY HEART

Cinematography - THE ROAD (!!!!!) yaya

Editing - DISTRICT 9

Orange Rising Star Award - Carey Mulligan

Film Battle: The Informant Vs. An Education

2010-01-25T10:21:00.000-08:00

Don't ask me why exactly these two films, it's just happened that I watched them in one evening. The funny thing when you are watching two films the same day: it's much easier to tell, which film managed to engage you, make you laugh and which film you remembered next morning.

+ Matt Damon	Carey Mulligan +
funny, pathetic, annoying	naive, funny, sweet +
+ Satire, sad and not so funny towards the end	Light-hearted jokes, serious towards the end
Office locations, not so cool FBI agents	London glamorous locations, pretty young people +
Scott Bakula	Alfred Molina +
WTF I hate them all! Money first, prison second	Education first, don't be stupid +

So the winner is An Education

Avatar for a girl

2009-12-27T16:49:00.000-08:00

Picture above generated at http://www.mcdonalds.at/avatar/

Have you ever dreamt of flying giant birds?
Have you ever dreamt of mesmerizing green and blue colours?
Have you ever dreamt of yourself being not yourself any more?
Have you ever dreamt of waking up in a magical world full of new and scary adventures?
Have you ever dreamt of being in love with an alien?
But any person of an opposite sex or mind - is an alien.

These dreams are scary, hard and hurting. But so rewarding - no matter what. It is such a pleasure that James Cameron and Co were so brave to show us their dreams.

As a little girl at heart - I like simple and romantic story-tales - until now only my imagination and Studio Ghibli could draw these stories up to my expectations.

But here came AVATAR. Born from James Cameron's childhood, creativity and cinematic dreams - Avatar for a girl is a crazy wonderful love story come true. As a wild emotional girl of a city jungle I wish to meet an alien - just as Jake was an alien for Neytiri. He is so simple, pure-hearted and honest. Not so honest, to be frank, but, well, no men are.

Love always makes you vulnerable - especially when you're in love with an alien heart. Alien heart can and most surely will hurt you. For they have no idea what they do - or what they really want to do - time is needed to decide. But love also makes you stronger -a woman in love and a brave man are the best warriors on this or any other planet - including Pandora.

I haven't seen a more beautiful world than in Avatar except probably for one place... - my and your dreams.

~~~

2009-12-13T18:47:00.000-08:00

- Let it go, - father Nicholas said in a low confident voice.
- No, I can't - for I love.
- Let it go and walk with me.
- But you always taught me to fight for love...
- When I want you to fight - I will give you a sword.

Everyday Miracles

2009-11-23T15:51:00.000-08:00

Just thought I can share with you little miracles that happen in my life from time to time and that remind me that life is really full of surprises and dreams do come true, just stay positive :)

~1} Once I went to Starbucks to buy a cup off coffee, there I saw a nice chocolate cookies and I really really wanted to buy one but I didn't have time and just bought a cup of coffee to go. One hour later I had to go to the bank and while I was waiting in the queue one of the stuff of the bank came along with a tray of cookies to celebrate bank's anniversary or something. On the tray were the very cookies that I saw an hour earlier in Starbucks. So I ate the chocolate cookie, chocolate dream came true.

~2} This logo of 30secondstomars, my favourite band's album. This logo is featuring a red rose as you can see. So one Monday I put this as a wallpaper on my laptop and every time I looked at it I hoped someone would give me a long beautiful red rose. On Friday that week I was taking a bus home late at night and there were only two people in the bus - me and one guy sitting at the front. He stand up and came up to me, I got afraid a bit, but knew that driver could see me. The guy said to me: " next stop is mine, but before I get off I want to give you this" - so he gave a beautiful red rose and disappeared in darkness.

3} I was reading this popular book "Secret", maybe you've heard of it. So there was an exercise to do in order to check "the law of attraction". Basically it claims that the more you think of something - the more it's attracted t your life. The exercise asked readers to think of something for several days like a feather for example and it will come across. I didn't want to think about feathers, so I started thinking about a bouquet or red tulips as these are my favourite flowers. Next day (basically 24 hours later) after Uni when I came home, on the table nest to my flat was a bouquet of red roses (ok, not tulips, but whatever) with a note on it "Take me". So I took it.

4} Me and two of my friends were all going to London from one city, we decided to take the same train, but couldn't buy tickets together as we all were in different cities and bought tickets at different times, so we just thought we'll figure out how to sit together when we are in the train. When we were ready to take the train and checked our tickets - the places we had were in the same coach and they were: 2, 3 and.... 4

5} I was writing a story "Nika is flying to Mars" that you can read on my blog as well, and I couldn't come up with a name for one of the main charachters. So one day in the morning I decided on "James Summers". Later in the evening I was going to the cinema and lost my way, it was heavily raining, when I was trying to figure out where I was I came up to the street sign and it was "Summers place". I was shocked. Later that night when I was in the club my friend introduced me to her friend whose name was... James.

6} One day I went to Starbucks (again) and when I was paying I saw a note on the counter saying "It's my birthday", so I asked whose birthday it was and the girl serving me said happily that it was hers. So I paid for my drink and chocolate medal and then said "Happy birthday" and gave that chocolate medal to her. She was very happy. I was too. Next week in another Starbucks when I was paying for drinks and panini a waiter kept flirting with me. When I got me cup of coffee and panini, inside the bag there was.... chocolate medal.

7} One evening I went to see the play "Now or never" with Eddie Redmayne, one of my favourite actors, and everything was wrong, my friend couldn't join me, tube was slow and I took a wrong line, so I was a bit frustrated. After the play, whic was amazing, I went to ladies, and you know these queues to ladies' restrooms, bloody long. By the time I left, all the main doors were shut and I had to use another door. When I went to the street, guess who was smoking alone at the corner? yes, Eddie Redmayne.

Under the rain

2009-11-09T15:11:00.000-08:00

Little shiny balls of rain are falling down. They are very warm and they are flying from sky towards earth surface with such a passion... as if they got a mission. A message to deliver.
I am walking towards the bus stop, which as according to my memory is supposed to be somewhere there, 500 meters away.
I wonder what that message would be? "Don't be afraid" or "Don't run away and go back" or maybe "Be strong".

It's quite late, 3 am. Not sure there will be a bus. Oh, yes, there should be. My memory reminds me that this bus is 24 hours. It's good news. However the decision is to be made, and I know my bloody heart that it can change its decision before the bus takes me away.

As if geographical distance means more than emotional distance. How f**ing weird, but it does. "Away" is the only word that is not from here. It's from somewhere there - far away. And how many people can break that word?

Here and Away are only two words that matter. That doesn't matter if you're away, somewhere deep in my heart you're here. Here and Away don't have so much of a difference now, do they?
Right now at 3 am rushing somewhere I kind of wish you can come and save me from all the troubles. And you will tell me and my sisters a great story about little dwarfs sitting on the clouds and gathering little girls' tears. Then they make rain from these tears. So the more we, little girls cry - the more rain there is. Me and my sisters will believe you, for there is no way not to believe.

It's enough to believe and wait for someone who will just appear in the silver needles of rain and save me. That's not silver needles that hurt, that's my memory that is slowly waking up and reminding me that three years ago this very day, you died. People die, that's a kind of a journey end. Especially if they are 76. Especially if they're grandparents. Nothing to be crying about?

And I am not, who said I am? That's all rain drops on my face. And I am not running away from anything, just went for a walk under the warm rain. Here in this real world you are dead. But in my dreams you are always alive and lively. And you keep telling me something. Like a message. I just can't catch it. My memory is failing me again.

I wonder why it is raining? Why people cry over someone who is already dead? They are rarely crying over those whom they hated. They mostly cry about those who they loved. So these tears are warmed up with love, just like this rain is.

London Film Festival

2009-10-29T13:34:00.000-07:00

I'll meet you at eighteen hours
At Leicester Square next to Vue,
Where the atmosphere glows
And femmes fatales show off perfumes.

It's London Film Festival this week,
You know, my friend, it's not to be missed.
Here's Sandra presenting new flick -
Will it get Oscars?
Or will I fall asleep?

The Times are rushing,
Cheeks are blushing,
Coens're not in good mood,
My mind is totally crashing-
It's all for good.

Know words, Know God

2009-10-20T16:53:00.000-07:00

Two English people were sitting in a cafe on St Marc's Square in Venice.
She, was beautiful, with curly hair and olive eyes, Denise.
He, was truly English, white skin, kind of gold hair, lilac eyes with a serious and selfish look, James.

It was early evening and a street singer was signing one of his enchanted romantic songs about eternal love.

James: Oh, I hate all this talking about love, - what is it all about? People are just obsessed wih it, why? I think, "love" was made up for marketing and trade purposes. The idea of "romantic" love didn't trully exist before the 19th century when it was used by a quite bisexual group of poets to describe their unusual feeling. and then after the WWII in this world of commerce businessmen are using it to sell products, books, fragrances, lingerie, flowers.

Denise didn't say anything to that, she was listening to the song.

But when singer left, she turned to sunshine that was escaping behind Palacio Ducalle and said:

Love is walking with a child in the morning. It's acting on stage in front of the audience. It's giving honest and wise advice for people in need. It's writing a letter to a friend. It's hugging your lover at the end of sex. It's being true and only yourself.

James: Fuck the world and it will fuck you back, love the world and it will love you back in return - same shit. To sum up - "love" is just a word, one of many.

Denise: Yeah, right. And first was Word. And it was God.

We are The Road

2009-10-19T16:21:00.000-07:00

We are listening, heart-broken,

To soothing, calming voice
Of a man called Viggo Mortensen,
And Time leaves us no choice.

Dark thoughts in our brains are promising
Nothing,
Nothing,
Nothing,

But future where we will take the Road,
And Road will be as long as life
We only wish and truly hope
We'll take the Road with one we love.

In silence we are, with one bleeding heart
Colour-blind mesmerised we feel
That tragedy on screen is probably
The best known form of art.

Finance King

2009-10-14T11:02:00.000-07:00

(Imagine rocking it with a guitar and being really really angry)

You are the one on the train

You are the one on the airplane

And you go seaside for hunting

And you go fishing to mountain

And you go

And you see all your life

Just in front of you

And you see all you past

Just behiiiiiind

And you dying

And dying

Since you were born.

All alone in the train

All alone in your private plane

Is it going to crush?

Or is it going to rain?

And you’re getting

And getting

And getting bold.

And you’re loosing

And loosing

And loosing bonds.

And that illusion is striking

You are not anymore a finance king.

And you dying

And dying

Since you were born.

You better go to desert

For funding

And you should go crying

To mountain

And all illusion is bullshit

We are nothing more than a finance sh**

Childhood

2009-10-08T15:38:00.000-07:00

for Helios (http://twitter.com/7726)

Look at these trees -

Where do they grow?
Why do they grow so fast?

How can I climb on top
Of trees to be among
Those little stars.

It's almost night,
It's almost night,
And dark blue wind is leaking
My cheeks and hands,
My feet and bones
I feel inside like freezing.

I'm terrified,
I'm terrified,
But yet I'm climbing
To summit of the sky,
To stars so shining.

And someone yells my name
From somewhere far from here.
It's possible,
It's magical
And soft skies right above me.

I touch blue wind,
I kiss sharp stars,
I smile to moon,
And hear my mom,

Who calls my name from
Somewhere here
From far and far away.

Raccoons in dreams,
Good night to Helios.
Hello to little stars -
I like this life on Mars.

Not Kings and Queens anymore

2009-10-05T14:31:00.000-07:00

The moment I opened a bottle
I felt like I'm dying
Alone.

My evening was finished
And here I was in a hotel - drinking
Alone.

Large window was looking at me
Promising bright and free future.
I almost believed and walked to it -
But blackberry vibrated on mute.

Religion? - has failed me,
Love - it disgusts me,
Friendship betrayed me,
My blood never lasted.

On phone someone told me
They have just rewarded me
With something and somewhere
For some role in some film.

Lovers? - have left me,
Money? - disgust me,
Fame has betrayed me,
My wine never lasted.

Nika is flying to Mars (part 4)

2009-10-01T16:03:00.000-07:00

<------ Part 3

And Nika woke up in the water. She had to push herself out of the bathtub. Nika hit the floor, but it didn't hurt. No pain could compare to the agony in her lungs. She felt like dying. Not a movie pathetic version of "it felt like dying" but real real dying. With one hand pressed to her cut vein she hit herself hard against the wall of a bathtub and spit water. It felt like a moment of "now or never", fighting right now or just giving up. The choice and struggle was between "now" or "no-fucking-way-in-the-whole-fucking-life-say-goodbye-to-your-mom-go-ahead-make-my-day".
But then something happened that was as painful as death but as joyful as life:
AIR.
A triangle universe of lovely spirit that uplifted her body and her mind.
This moment was awful and painful and yet it was better then a birthday cake or a first kiss. Nika even though that this is something that women perhaps feel when they give birth to children, it fucking hurts but it's fucking awesome.
She was sitting on the floor against the wall, wet and tired, fairly capable to breath, inhaling and exhaling AIR - that was her mission.

"Nika, Nika.
"Nika", - said someone softly nearby.
"Nika!" - she turned around and saw James and X-Ray sitting beside her on the wet floor.
"Wha," - she was trying to speak, but her throat failed her.
"Don't talk, please relax."
"You need to save your energy and rest as much as you can."
"We know you wonder why you can still see us here. Don't worry, you are awaken, but the gas had a strong affect on your body and you still have hallucinations. You will feel much better, but you need to get out of this room, and basically from the building. Something is going on here, something weird, we feel that. Apparently you never opened gas in the kitchenette, we checked your memory several times and I'm sure if we go there we'll find nothing, but there is certainly kind of a gas or something in here and you need to get out, very very soon."
She couldn't talk or breathe, and she definitely had no energy to fight with her own hallucinations right now. She carefully stand up and they helped her. By using the same fire escape they climbed to the roof, but this time - for real."
On the roof there were several people wandering around, just like last time, it was totally a deja vu. And Nika started doubting if this isn't another nightmare that her dying brain gives her before switching off forever and ever.
But the way people were walking was different. They behave like alive. Some of them even saw her presence and were walking towards them. Her brother Max was among them.
"Nika, what happened? Have you also heard the alarm? It said that anyone in the rooms on the upper floors have to use fire escape and proceed to the roof due to some dangerous conditions and potential gas leek. Have you smelled anything?"
Nika nodded quietly.
"I didn't even smell anything weird" - said a 50-year-old geek in huge glasses. - "And I am normally very good at identifying different types of scents. Once I spent a week in death valley where I managed to find my way to the main road just by using the"
"I am very sorry to interrupt you, err, I am sure you're great, but there was a signal on all levels regarding the evacuation from the building. Whatever the reason, I am sure it was more then necessary. Let's allow officials and hotel employees do their job" - said a Russian big lady that was taller then any of the guys on the roof.
"Ok, we should just wait" - said Nika and she didn't recognize her voice.
"For the love of black holes, what on Uranus happened with you?" - her brother, Max, liked to use astronomical terms in every day life a lot. He just noticed that she was covering a wound on her arm and she was completely wet.
"I fell into the bathtub and cut myself with the sharp edge" - Nika surely find a very quick and believable explanation. Normalli she wouldn't, but James told her what to say.
"Well, girl, you should be more careful next time. Floors in the bathroom can be very wet and slippery," - said American geek.
"I will, sir."
She sat down and was happy that this weird conversation was over, she needed time to think. She looked at James and X-Ray who were sitting beside her and asked very very quietly moving just the corner of her mouth: " Why are you still here? Aren't you supposed to vanish because there is no gas?"
X-Ray just shrugged his shoulders and continued looking into the sky with a dreamy smile. James answered, that he doesn't know, but it should be some sort of side affect and she needs to relax.
Max came over to her, he picked up a little stone from the floor and angrily threw it over the edge of a roof. Nika's eyes followed the stone and she remembered how just 5 minutes ago she was flying down. It was awful. And yet, it was unforgettable.
"Damn it". It was obvious that Max was really upset with something. "I hate it".
Nika knew that he probably wouldn't tell her what exactly he hated, but habit taken from her mother taught her to be polite to her step-bro.
"What is it?"
"Well, - Max started explaining Nika with an angry look as if it was all her fault. - "you know that today is the 4th of October. the 4th!!! Not just 3rd or anything! Well, obviously you don't know what it means, you was never interested in this, but.."
"I know, Max, I am not as stupid as you think. The 4th of October is the day when "the radios of the USA and Europe were dead and there was a great silence. the war had spent itself."
"What on Uranus planet are you talking about?"
"I believe this lady is quoting Ray Bradbury's short story "And the rock cried out".
"Yes I was, sir, sorry, I don't know your name"
"You can call me Shane, I'm from Indiana."
"Nice to meet you, my name is Nika, it's Russian."
"What a lovely name, darling, do you know that this name is derived from a Greek name of an ancient goddess Nike"
"Of course, sir, er, I mean, Shane, I know. it's the one with the wings."
"Oh, she was much more than just a goddess with wings, she..."
"I'm sorry professor, but why don't we try to use our time and brain towards figuring out how to get back. It is pretty clear that no one really cares about us."
"Boy is right," -said a huge woman. "We've been here for 44 minutes and 30 seconds and nothing happenned. As far as I am aware with the procedures of fire danger situations, the stuff of the building is responsible to evacute people within 15 minutes."
"This is in your country, but here in Japan according to a special act of 2002..."
"It's enough!" - Nika said loudly. She didn't really want to be so harsh, but all the buzz from these two scientists, Max and James kept on commenting them - it was too much."
"We shall brainstorm the situation. In a calm and orderly manner with a review of all posibilities and voting for a best option."
"Here's astraunaut's daughter! I knew you have your father's leadership skills" - it was James, as happy as a 13-year-old boy on the day of Star Treck relise.
X-Ray kept quiet during all this time, he just kept looking into the sky.
"I want to get out of here very very soon because today is the 4th of October, the day when the first ever artificial satellite was successfully launched on to the Earth Orbit. This is a remarkable day, we should celebrate, this is like the birthday of whole cosmology." -Max burst out.
"I would like to contradict because the birth modern science of the planets and space in general was the first trip to the moon."
"This is funny, you are saying that because you are jealous that Russia was first to enter the space."
"I am not, because..."
The buzz continued but Nika didn't listen to them, all she could do was breathing and looking into beautiful promising sky. James was holding her hand and she thought how calm and relax she is about that. Well, she knew he is not real, just a side affect of her crazy state. Hopefully her brain was damaged forever and she'd continue having these hallucinations. James was murmuring some melody and also looking into sky.
"I am afraid Mars is coming." - said X-Ray. I can feel the change in the air.
"Hm?" - that was everything Nika could say."You see those clouds over there," - and he pointed out to dark silver clouds over them - "They have a pretty weird shape for clouds, don't you think?"
"I guess so. But it's Japan, everything is different."
James said: "The only place I saw clouds like this..." but he didn't finish.
"What are you saying? That it is something weird."
"This is happening, - said X-Ray, - and it is happening now. We have to get ready, maybe less then 5 minutes."
"Less then 5 minutes to what? To going down?"
"Nika, we are afraid this is not the end of your adventurous for today. That weird-shaped clouds in the sky - it must be a spaceship."
Nika looked at James. He had a magnificent voice and really really beautiful blue eyes. But she was not comprehending his words.
"Er, what?"
"Yes, we think.." - Nika didn't give X-Ray a chance to finish his phrase.
"But wait a minute, you're my hallucinations, you can't know that. Everything you know is information from my brain and I can't know if a spaceship is coming."
"Yes, your hallucinations are also your direct access to your intuition."
"Very very nice. And my intuition is telling me that these clouds are from Mars."
"Well, we can't be sure if it's from Mars, it's just it's most likely." - said James.
"Look here," - X-Ray took Nika's hand and pulled her around the corner of a square tv antennae box so others wouldn't get suspicious when seeing Nika talking to herself.
"Look. 3 weeks ago Russia and USA declared that they are going to work together on a project of sending an expedition to Mars. Two weeks and a half Indian spaceship found water on the moon. Two weeks ago there was a major sand hurricane nearby Sydney. Several days ago there was an Earthquake in Indian ocean. This is happening. They are coming."
"If they haven't already come." - said James
"what? Boys, you are insane! Or should I say - I am insane. No one is coming. It was a gas leek and I am going mad but very very soon someone will come and rescue us." - she said that and went to the group of others - two scientists and her brother were talking actively and looking into the sky.
"Nika, look, look there, isn't cool? It totally looks like UFO."
She looked into skies and saw a machine that looked like a metal cruise ship, except it was in the air and it didn't have wings and it wasn't moving, just floating, moving closer and closer. towards them."
"We have talked trhough all the logical explanations and we have two options to consider on th nature of this phenomenon: it could be an early way of Aurora Borealis, also known as northern lights - it's too close to equator and modern science has not any statistics on seeing Aurora Borealis in this region, however it's possible. The effect it has multiplied with all the glass structures of Tokyo skyscrapers gives an illusion of a floating ship."
"Yeah, right, sounds like almost impossible." - said Max.
"What was were second option?" - Nika questioned Shane.
"That it is a spaceship from Mars."
"Hahah, professor, I didn't know you have a sense of humour."
But Shane and Russian lady looked at her very very seriously. "My darling. We scientists always expect and actually look forward to the possibility of existence of other creatures."
"Really? I thought that everything you do is to deny their existence."
"We deny because there is no other evidence. But now we could have when."
And it seemed like they would have an evidence very very soon - the spaceship was floating towards the roof of the hotel. It looked like it was determined to land on this very building.
"And why are you so sure that it's a spaceship from Mars, not like, er, Uranus or Jupiter."
"My dear, how can we talk to you when you don't even know the basics." - said Russian woman.
"Ah, I know why mars is coming." - said Max. - It's because they are afraid of our future expedition. This conference gathered best scientists from Russia, USA and other countries to discuss the possibilities and ways of a Mars project. They are afraid that we are going to go to Mars and invade them! They are not here with peace! They are going to fight us! And this gas leek wasn't a coincidence! The was is coming!"

Nika is flying to Mars (3rd part)

2009-09-30T08:11:00.000-07:00

<--- part 2 part 4 ------>

Nika woke up in bed in the same hotel room. It was still early morning and she was alone: her brother must have already left for a breakfast.

"Oh my Lord, that was just a nightmare. Geee, it was so real. So I didn't meet the band and I didn't cut my vein and I didn't fall asleep. How stupid".

She stood up and felt really tired. "This was a tiring nightmare, I feel awful." Nika came up to the bathroom and pushed the door handle".
"You don't want to go in there", - a very deep beautiful voice said. It came from the far dark corner of the room. Nika didn't need to turn to see his face - she perfectly knew whose voice it was., only one man had such a mesmerizing effect on her.
"James, what, er, what are you doing here?"
"What's the matter? You don't call me your king anymore?"
"What? How? How did you know? Did you read my note???"
"No, I didn't", - he came out from the dark corner and she saw his face. It was as if she knew him from before, as if they were friends.
"I know everything you know. I am the part of your brain" - he said.
"What, how?"
"Look, Nika, something happened. You did something before you fell asleep"
"I wrote a note"
"No, not that, Nika, concentrate, after that"
"And then I had a nightmare. Wait, James, you don't want to tell me it wasn't a nightmare?"
"No, it wasn't, it was real, it happened."
"So, I saw you and you got to know where I stay and you came to visit me?"
"Nika, don't be ridiculous! How on Earth is it possible? Concentrate! What's the last thing you remember?"
"I was in a bathroom. Thinking of my father..." - she looked at James with a sorry look on her face. But James smiled encouraging her to continue. "And then I fell asleep in the bathtub full of water".
"Yes, and before that..."
"Oh my go! oh, I cut my vein with that swiss army knife. But it was a nightmare, I am here."
"Nika, you are not. You are sleeping now. This a dream, everything before - it was real."
"ok, now I know it's a dream I can control it, right?" - and she looked at James.

"Oh, baby, we have some other urgent issues. Not that I wouldn't like to be a part of your erotic dream. But we have a serious problem." He pointed to the bathroom: "You are still in there."
"But I am here" - she smiled.
"No, baby, you are in there. Before going to the bathroom you opened gas in the kitchenette. You lost consciousness and you loosing blood right now, cold water stopped it, but you have to wake up."
"So, all this here - it's a hallucination?"
'Yes, it is, I am part of your hallucination, your brain chose me to help you."
She was standing there in the hotel room, it was like an epiphany, except she didn't want to believe in it. - "Well, that's easy, we can just go into the bathroom and wake me up."
"No, we shouldn't do that. We can't move objects in real and after I told you that you are in the bathtub no idea what kinda of monster you are going to see there. These objects are not real, not physical," - he touched a book with a tip of his finger and it turned into flames and burnt to dust.
"That's impressive, James Summers, you are the king of the kings."
'Thanks, but we need to wake you up, we need to work with your imagination..."
James words were interrupted by the noise from a window. They looked around and saw how a guy is making his way inside the room. He fell on the floor and quickly got up so now they could see him.
"What? What the heck? For the love of God, what ARE you doing here?"
"I am here to rescue you", - said a young guy. She recognised him, he was a young actor who played a vampire in one teenage movie.
"But, man, I hate you."
"No, you don't"
"Well, ok, I don't hate you, but I don't care for you!"
"No, come on, deep down you actually find me charming."
"You know, James, - Nika said, - if before I kinda hoped this is all real and you are real, now I don't have any doubts in the craziness of everything that is going on. Man, - she addressed to the young actor, - I don't even know your name, something with R, P, R... What was it?"
"Nika, you like me, ok, you can lie to your classmates or whatever, but not to yourself, deep down you like me and you can think about this later with a cup of coffee and a textbook on Freud, right now we have to rescue you!"
'All right, all right, you see me through".
"Folks, are we done? We sort of have to get out of here," -said James.
"Ok, ok, we are," - the vampire guy looked out of the window and said - "it's clear, we can climb on the roof, there is a fire escape, it's only 3 floors up."
They made their way to the fire escape. 'I know", - said Nika, "I am going to call you X-Ray, cause you can see through me and it starts with R."
James helped Nika to climb up, - she was wearing pyjama and high heel snickers, her imagination chose this outfit for this lovely crazy morning.
'Are you happy with me calling you X-Ray?".
"Yes, yes I am. Whatever". - they reached the top and climbed over to the rood of this very high building. "Why are you suddenly so talkative?"
Nika looked around and saw some people strangling on the roof like robots in video game, they were certainly part of her sick imagination. Her 13-year-old brother was among them, but he didn't look at her. No one did.
"It's just," - Nika whispered, -"someone is finally listening to me. They never do."
They looked around the roof. It was unclear what to do next.
"Nika, your imagination needs some sort of fear, panic, something that would kind of kill you for a moment until you wake up" - James said. - "Sometimes until you die - you can't feel your life."
"That sounds like a paradox."
"And yet it's true, we don't seem to value things we really like until we loose them."
She looked at the beautiful sky over Tokyo. And she remembered the scene from 'Requiem for a dream" - sometimes she wished that young couple to jump off the roof before all the crap that called life happened to them.
"I am going to jump off the roof. It will certainly kill me for a moment."
James looked at her with appreciation, X-Ray - with fear.
She turned, but X-Ray screamed: "Wait, what if it's all real? You are going to die."
"Yes, right, X-Ray, you are absolutely right. This seems like reality: I am standing in pyjama with a guy from a vampire movie whose name I can't even remember and with the frontman of my favourite band whom I've loved for years.You are absolutely right, this is soooo real."
"Ok, I see your point. Aren't you afraid though?"
"I am not a coward, at least, not anymore". She looked at James, came over to him and hugged him like she never hugged anyone except when she was a child. He hugged her too and softly whispered: "I know, baby, I know, you are not a coward. I don't wanna loose you even for a moment, but it's to save you for a life."
She turned around and without a second thought started running towards the edge of the roof.
"Shit, this feels like real."
Her heart started pumping like crazy and she dived into the beauty of this Sunday Tokyo morning of the 4th of October, 2009."
Air has left her as she was flying down, her lungs were desperate for some oxygen, she tried to breathe, but the only things that entered her mouth was water. water.
"Ahhhhhhhh." And Nika woke up under the water.

Nika is Flying to Mars (part 2)

2009-09-28T16:48:00.001-07:00

<--- Part 1 Part 3 ------>

At 7 am she woke up again. It was still early for breakfast. She couldn't fall asleep from all the excitement of being in the same city with him - with James Summers and the Band. It was almost as if she could feel their energy.

Nika went quietly to the bathroom, dressed up and sneaked silently from the hotel room. She wanted to walk in the streets of Tokyo city that looked like a perfect dream.

Needless to say that she met the Band - for her dreams magically tend to come true.

And needless to say that he didn't talk to her - he probably didn't even see her when getting inside the black taxi. He didn't see her smile or hear her voice. It was almost as if she didn't exist.

"That's quite fair. How could I forget that while we could be physically in the same place on Earth - we will never be in the same universe. You are from a different social circle that I can never be a part of. I am from another country, I speak another language, I trust another God, I am from another background and have nothing to do with music. I am from a family of scientist geeks."

Exhausted, she returned to the hotel room. She was so tired and felt like she can burst into tears any moment now. So she said that she's not hungry and not going for breakfast. They left her in the hotel room and went for the breakfast and lunar conference.

Nika didn't want to hear words right now. "Please, not those stupid talks on physics or politics at breakfast - I can't stand it now - I never could." She wanted to be lost in music as she usually did when listening to the Band. But it would be too painful to hear James Summer's voice right now. The only other song she had on ipod was Tosca. That was her father's favourite opera. She remembers him dancing with her, trying to whistle the melody.

"Why was he so sad? Maybe he knew he was going to die soon." Nika didn't think about her father a lot. And she almost never talked about him. He, a Soviet astronaut Nikolai Kurganov, died when she was only four and her mother almost immediately remarried. So in a way she had a father, but he was boring - a lecturer on physics and astronomy. She never understood him, but he was a good father. Not dad, just father. Her real dad was really brave and enthusiastic, fearless, strong and talented. He could draw as good as those artists in the pedestrian streets of Arbat. He could sing so people would get silent and thoughtful. And he could whistle Tosca.

"You left me alone in the family of cold-hearted boring scientists where the only music heard is the intro to the evening news", - Nika was now lying in a bathtub full of cold water. She was still wearing clothes - jeans and sweater, she didn't even take her high-heels snickers off.

"You left me with a passion for art and no way to express it - I can't draw, write, sing or play musical instruments, no one taught me and no one would in this family."

Final sounds of Tosca made her cry, she was sobbing quietly for the things she lost and the things she would never have: "No one loves me here, and no one will".

Red string of blood and a silver blade of Swiss knife - "such a beauty" - she thought. "It's such a beauty."

And she fell asleep in red water, with eyes full of tears not only for her father's life, bravery and youth - but for her own."

Little Ashes - I am so furious!

2009-09-27T13:25:00.000-07:00

So wrong on so many levels. How on earth could a director make a movie and not use all the resources he had? First of all, Spanish language - it's passionate, earthy, funny and sounds artistic for others. It could add such a passion for a whole movie and create atmosphere. If you are making a movie about such a great poet as Federico Garcia Lorca, why not use his instrument? English combined with weird Spanish accent makes this film sound like a joke.
Second resource - Spanish landscape and colour palette. If you are making a movie about such a great artist as Dali, why not to use his language - his colours, give a vision of the world through his eyes? A script maybe isn't perfect but it does suggest using these resources. when Dali asks what should he wear - green or blue, for him it's so much more than a crazy question!
And third - actors, they are young, for God's sake. Unleash them, let them have fun and go crazy. Only Marina Gatell as Magdalena gave a sincere performance. Others look like they were told what to do and those two genius - Dali and Lorca - were never told what to do. You could use Pattinson good looks and make camera leek him unveiling raw magnetism that Dali had.
But no, the director failed to use these resources although script was quite decent. A waste of time and it physically hurts me to watch such a bad performance.
(more info on this film on imdb)

Inglorious Basterds

2009-09-24T17:05:00.000-07:00

You SHOULDN'T watch this film IF:
- you are a little princess
- you are afraid of life and reality
- you are brad pitt's fan (I mean you can watch the film, but it's not his type of movie and he isn't great, apart from his funny accent. I think Tarantino cast him just to have fun of him on the screen)
- you don't like reading subtitles (there are a lot of them)
- you don't like the German language (its sound is as much a part of this film as any other character)
- you don't like Diane Kruger (she's awesome in almost any film, so don't know what's wrong with you)
- you can't read (again there are a lot of subtitles, try to learn at least French before watching the film or Russian lol it's not there, but still try)
- you don't like the face of Til Schweiger (he's superb even when he is silent)
- you lack the sense of black humour or sarcasm or any sense of humour - this film is as much a comedy as it is ... a comedy
- you don't know that everyone will eventually die (unless you are Highlander)
- you read this and decided not to watch 'Inglorious basterds' - it means you are easy at giving up, so don't even try.

Nika is flying to Mars (part 1)

2009-09-23T17:37:00.001-07:00

Part 2 --->

Nika couldn't fall asleep. It was 5 am and she was still thinking about this and that. There were lots of thoughts and dreams in her head and she desperately hoped for some of them to come true, as all of us do when we are just 18.

Although it was 5 am here, in Tokyo, it was still 11 pm in Moscow from where she arrived several hours ago. It's funny, her friend Natasha sent her a text saying that Nika is already in 'tomorrow', the 4th of October, and she's still in ‘today’, it was like a message from yesterday.

Very weird feeling.

She opened the window: it was a beautiful dawn, kind of red. And she remembered that she just had a dream about a big beautiful star high in the sky. Or was it a dream? She had troubles sleeping so she couldn't even tell anymore.

In several hours she'll have to get up and go to have a breakfast with her mom, sister and little brother. They stayed together in the small hostel in Tokyo: her mother, Mary and her older sister, Julia, were attending conference on space technologies; there was a very long and scientific name which Nika couldn't remember, too boring. She was never into science and cosmic stuff, hm, there were enough of scientists in her family: her father was an astronaut, he died 12 years ago, in Baikonur, her mom and now her sister, who was 27, were working in the Russian Institute of Space and her little bother Max, who was 13, was also into science, although he preferred sci-fi films and comics.

Nika on the other hand was more into literature and art: she loved studying English and History at school and now was attending the first year of Moscow State University with a major in English philology. It wasn't quite clear what she would do once she's graduated but she didn't worry about that. Well, she didn't really think a lot about future.

She was a day dreamer and, as most of teenagers, she thought that she is very weird, strange and doesn't belong to this society. Right now, at 5 am in a foreign city she felt very lonely. It seemed to her that no one could understand her and no one tried.

Her mother was very surprised when Nika asked if she could go with them to Tokyo. Usually Nika didn't like travelling with the family and especially with her annoying little brother. Besides scientific stuff was always very boring to her. Her mother, Maria, didn't have a clue that Nika was going to Tokyo just because she hoped to meet her favorite musical band, which was in Tokyo for their October tour. As most of girls of her age she had a passion for one band, she was really into it: she knew all the songs, had their official t-shirts and posters all over her room. Her mom thought that everyone had something like that and there is no need to worry. At least she wasn’t into vampires or Emo. Besides this passion of hers gave her a reason to study English.

That’s one of the reasons why Nika couldn’t sleep on this beautiful Sunday morning. She was thinking of him, the front man of the band, she was picturing how she would go for a walk around Tokyo and accidently run into him. She was dreaming what she would say to him and what he would say to her. It was very exciting. She had too many ideas. So Nika decided to write her thoughts down – TOP - Think on Paper, that’s what her teacher always told her. It will help her relax and also kill some time.

“My king, I seek for you. I'm your savior. And you are mine. Come to me. Find me. I'm here to help you and love you. Unconditionally. And you are going to save me from here, from this universe. I know - you can help me to get free from this prison of loneliness. We are like two lonely wolves. No, like eagles – we would fly.
No, I am not an eagle, I am a woman and I know I can make a man happy.
I can be your friend, my king. Find me. And I will give you some time of peace. Some time of escape. And I will be a wise and interesting person to talk to. And I will give you great advises. And you will give me confidence and support, oh do I need it? Your confidence and support? Just one or two smiles and silent nods once in a while, so I know that I am doing everything right.
Find me, my king, find me. In the streets of Tokyo on this lovely morning. I will not panic or ask for an autograph or a picture. I will not need anything from you, neither will you. But I can be your friend, my King, I am equal, yet different. I was born as a queen, not yours, yet a queen. On the crossroads of Asia and Europe, on the border of Russia and Kazakhstan I started the end of my beginning. I was named for a victorious goddess – Nika – and I can bring you victory in this war.
We have matching greatness, my king. Hunt for me in the streets of Tokyo on this lovely morning, you'll recognize me, I will hold a map of the world in my hand.”

Nika reread what she wrote and was very pleased with it. It sounded right. He will hear her thoughts. She put the pen down and closed her eyes.

“Good bye, my beautiful blue planet, I am out of here.” – was her thought and then she fell asleep.

A journey home

2009-09-23T08:54:00.000-07:00

A journey home or preparing to die from cancer - Tao

Pack up your bag
With love, friends' phones,
Book of that guy -
You're going to his home.

White dress, black dress,
Red Lingerie,
Don't take that photo
That brings back bad memories.

Turn off gas pipe,
Switch off TV,
And write with lipstick on the wall:
Remember me, Eternity.

In search of my God

2009-09-22T05:26:00.000-07:00

This is an abstract from my short story 'New York' about a young guy, musician, living in New York and questioning life.

No, no, no. Nothing is good about hate, rage or fear.
How shall I call you?

How many names do you have?
Life-giving spirit,
Soul-awakening energy,
Small part of my brain that isn't controlled by chemicals and neurons?
The unique part of my DNA?
The love of my life,
The total freedom,
The genius and talant within me that I can't even comprehend or control?
The light of full moon at dark night,
Little piece of hope left in the far corner of my heart when all logical reasons have failed and died?
The freshness of an early summer morning,
The smile of blue eyes,
The open door?
The little miracle on Christmas Eve.
The big miracle on Christmas Eve.
The American dream come true.
Te gulp of cold water after a long marathon,
The people.
The blood and bread.
The first take of air when I was born,
The oxygen?
The spirit,
The non-human beginning,
The love,
The you,
The mine,
The ours?

How I was watching Julie & Julia

2009-09-20T15:41:00.000-07:00

I was thinking - why do people go to the cinema? I mean, really, to think about that - you've got everything at home and you can create your own atmosphere and food and no need to spend money, so why not release films straight away on DVDs and charge a bit more and turn these cinemas into schools?

Well, my thoughts were so negative and there was a reason. - I was sitting in a very uncomfortable chair, the screen was so small that my TV is actually bigger, people are eating pop corn and playing with their phones (probably tweeting "I am in a cinema, about to watch Julie and Julia). Why why why do we go to movies?

But then the curtain fell (metaphorically) and the show (also metaphorically) began. I forgot about pop corn and screen and something embraced me for 2 hours, that I can probably call joy.

This movie is about 2 women, about finding themselves, their way in life. Julie who lives in our times, struggles with everything just like we do and doesn't really know what she wants, who and why. Is she brave enough to pose that question? Yeah, life is not all bed and roses and here comes Julia, played beautifully by Meril Strip, she is like a child (funny Julia was Child) and with every moment that she appears on screen she brings one message - the key is in enjoying the moment, the NOW and HERE, loving it. Her way of writing a book wasn't about a dream of becoming a writer and accomplishing something, it was a process, that she and others enjoyed.

Julia didn't cry when she didn't get something the way she wanted - can't live in Paris, all right. In contrast Julie was bursting because of a dish she couldn't make. Julia was joyful with every bit of success she had whether it was a letter of acceptance from a publisher or the "well done" nod from a teacher in a cooking class after she chopped several kilos of onions.

From now on I will pop a bottle of champagne every time something great happens. Sometimes I will do it just in my head (cause I can't really pop a bottle of champagne because someone complemented my shoes in the tube) but I will definitely share it with others, you, people, cause I love you. muaaaah.

On the night I turned twenty

2009-09-20T07:24:00.000-07:00

That's a poem written by a girl on the night she turned twenty after she finished reading Harry potter and the Goblet of fire in which her favourite character Cedric Diggory died. Here is a link to Cedric Diggory profile on imbd to remind you who it is (played by Pattinson in the film).

So I woke up,
My pillow was now
All wet.

It smelled so salty
Like sea in storm
And my face was red.

And I remembered
The whole nightmare -
The only truth
How evil darkness
Took your youth.

You were so brave,
Protecting Harry,
So kind inside.

Everyone loved you and
It was easy for you to love.
To love the freedom,
World and people,

Oh Cedric, Cedric!
It was so fun knowing you live,
But now you're dead!
And I am twenty -
How horrible is that.

And I was weeping
The whole night long,
Not only for Cedric's
Beauty,
Bravery
And
Youth,

But for my
Own.

Narnia lullaby

2009-09-19T19:38:00.000-07:00

So that's a lullaby that I wrote as a part of my novel that I am writing right now. that's a song that dad sings to his small son and remembers times when he was young and wanted to be Prince Peter from Narnia

Now close your eyes
And I will take you to the town
Of million, million stars
There is a lion with a crown,
His love is all around.
Look at these trees, where do they grow?
Why do they grow so fast?
Did you forget your dream so far,
A dream about million stars?

Oh, when it's dark in Narnia,
Don't worry, I am with you,
Am I the king, Am I your dad?
No matter, I love you.

Now close your eyes
And I will take you to the town
Of million, million stars.
And there are kings reigning in piece
Under the height of growing trees,
So quickly growing trees.

and what the heck is love? (from my short story Venice)

2009-09-19T11:58:00.000-07:00

Two english people were sitting in a cafe on St Marc's Square in Venice.
She, was beautiful, with curly hair and olive eyes, Denise.
He, was truly English, white skin, kind of gold hair, lilac eyes with a serious and selfish look, James.

It was early evening and a street singer was signing one of his enchated romantic songs about eternal love.

James: Oh, I hate all this talking about love, - what is it all about? People are just obsessed wih it, why? I think, "love" was made up for marketing and trade purposes. The idea of "romantic" love didn't trully exist before the 19th century when it was used by a quite bisexual group of poets to describe their unusual feeling. and then after the WWII in this world of commerce businessmen are using it to sell products, books, fragrances, lingerie, flowers.

Denise didn't say anything to that, she was listening to the song.

But when singer left, she turned to sunshine that was escaping behind Palacio Ducalle and said:

Love is walking with a child in the morning. It's acting on stage in front of the audience. It's giving honest and wise advice for people in need. It's writing a letter to a friend. It's hugging your lover at the end of sex. It's being true and only yourself.

James: Fuck the world and it will fuck you back, love the world and it will love you back in return - same shit. To sum up - "love" is just a word, one of many.

Denise: Yeah, right. And first was Word. And it was God.

Welcome

2009-09-19T11:37:00.000-07:00

I have got so many impossible things in my head. Sometimes they come true. But I believe that sharing is caring. So here is this blog. to share. Love, xx.